Friday, January 13, 2012


Its 2012, and I have been reverting to the past. I think my subconscious is literally forcing me to catch up on everything that I missed out on, because it believes the world is going to end this year. For example I have been watching nothing but old movies. I saw the Big Lebowski for the first time last night, and it was great. The whole time I was watching it I felt like such an idiot for not seeing it sooner. I would write a review, but the movie is almost 14 years old by this point. Meaning that there are hundreds of reviews already available. All I need to do is watch Braveheart, and I think I can be content on my process to be caught up on movies. I know I haven't seen Braveheart, and I have no excuse not to. There are plenty of days where I have five hours to spend watching Braveheart., but I haven't watched Braveheart for the same reason I completely mismanage this blog. Because I can. God Bless America.

The only movie I have literally been clamoring to watch is Goodfellas. I haven't seen it in forever. It is one of my favorite movies, but I cannot find it anywhere in my house. I will find that movie before I move away in the coming weeks.

I have been trying to build my website myself, and it is one of the most taxing processes I have ever been apart of. The taxing process is watching all the videos on youtube that teach you how to build a website. The odd thing about these videos is that they are all narrated by foreigners. I know that might sound a bit racist, but when there's a British preteen clearly going through puberty describing a lasso tool for nine minutes, it be really draining. Instead of saying lasso he's pronouncing it lashsaw. My problem is the temptation on creating my site in the easiest way possible. I could easily modify my blogger or create a wordpress, buy a domain name, and just say its my website. I just really want to create it myself. But I might just cave in and modify this stupid blog into a website.

I am really looking forward to my move to Los Angeles. It just seems like a better place. My move away date is creeping up on me, and I probably won't get to see everyone. I'm totally cool with that. If it wasn't for social networking then I'd probably make more of an effort to see everyone. But lets be honest. I'm not going to jail or I'm not joining the army. I'm just moving to a different state. If anybody wants to hang out before I leave let me know. I am fortunate enough that my co-workers are throwing me a going away party, which I hope will turn into a one man roast of everyone. I would love to roast them. The only problem is that they are all nice people. All I know is that I'm leaving pretty soon, and I'm not prepared at all. I might have to pack up all my stuff in a bandanna and hop on the back of a train.

This post totally sucked, and I know that.There couldn't be more nonsense in this post. I could paste a bollywood script, and it would be more engaging than this stupid post. Here's why this is such a bad post. Because I am procrastinating on doing stuff. For some reason my nights are way more productive than my days. Tonight I am going to continue to work on my site, read a book, and write jokes. Also I got so many fact books for Christmas. Which is awesome, but now my stupid head is filled with the most mind numbing thoughts. I'm just walking around my house and all of a sudden I start thinking "Did you know you never see bay spiders? Because they are invisible and literally in the thousands. What if there are some in my glass of milk? Why am I still drinking this?" I feel like I'm gonna be that guy at the party that will rattle off facts to sound smart. Even though I know nothing about the subject other than a four sentence long summation of that subject. What I'm trying to say is that I am dumb, and now I own a lot of books that breifly explain intriguing subjects. The problem with this is that I am too lazy to look for the facts become educated on these facts. Another problem with these books is that it doesn't matter to what page on the book you flip too. Because everything in the book is interesting. It doesn't follow a plot. Its just a lot of facts. Which means that I will reread a lot facts without realizing it. These books are like watching any list show on VH1. Because it doesn't matter where you start, its all the same, and eventually Hal Sparks will annoy you. They should have just titled these books "Now that's what I call interesting vol 23" I love these books, I just hate what they do to me.

Juice of the week: Netflix

Friday, December 30, 2011

I have run out of excuses

I know it has been entirely too long since I posted something on this blog. I get that. This is the part of my blog where I apologize for my absence. It's not as though I haven't thought of this blog. I love this blog. I felt bad for not posting, but not bad enough to post anything. But I still felt guilty about not posting. So here goes my futile attempt at winning you back with a new post. This post is like the second to last scene in any John Cusack movie. You know the scene where he gives a huge speech to the woman that he just realized he loved. Even though she's in the process of getting married, but he promises that he will change her for. So she takes him back, because for once he's sincere. Here's my attempt at change.

So I've been doing stand-up for four years now. Well it was four years on December 15. I didn't celebrate my four year anniversary of comedy by doing anything extravagant. I just did stand up that night and went home. I used to make lists each year and try to establish goals for myself. But I never really actively set out to meet those goals, but somehow I managed to meet the majority of them. I'm not trying to brag, or sound cocky. Because when you honestly think about it I didn't set outrageous goals for myself. If one of my goals was "I'm gonna do stand-up in the penguin exhibit at the aquarium." And I met that goal. Then I have every reason to be cocky. But I set low goals that were going to be met, by just doing stand-up. Do you know how awful it would I didn't meet the goal "perform more". That would be terrible. If I just took a year off of comedy, and didn't meet one of the easiest goals that anyone in this art could do. I hope that one of my goals wasn't to blog more because I really dropped the ball on that one. My only goal is to work harder. I'm gonna write more and perform more. Because that is all I can do. I already work hard at this, but I need to keep pushing myself.

I plan on moving to Los Angeles in the coming weeks. I'm not just moving there for stand-up, but I really need a change of pace. To be honest I'm just moving there because I am a huge Suge Knight fan, and I'm trying to get signed to Death Row Records. If I know one thing in this world it's that I'm not gonna get signed to Death Row while I'm in D.C. Also I've always wanted to live in L.A since I was a child. The move to L.A. might be the only plausable childhood dream that I can fulfill. My other dreams were to be a Dinosaur and be a tapdancer. If there was a way to be a tap-dancing dinosaur, living under the Hollywood sign I wouldn't have gone to school! I'd be eating bronto burgers while tap-dancing in front of the Viper Room.

Also I have deleted all my old posts. I'm completely revamping this blog while I am also working on my website. Sorry if there were posts that you enjoyed reading, and laughing at for its poor grammar(Though this post's grammar is probably equally as bad).

Juice of the week: Cran-Apple